Posted by: Budger | May 22, 2008

Sometimes Courage is the Quiet Voice

So I haven’t been writing much lately – mostly because I was having problems coming up with anything positive to say.  I am still battling some heart issues, and I have been very frustrated by my progress with that and with my cycling.

I had my first official pacemaker check in April, and it was very interesting.  They hooked me up to a computer by putting what looked like a very large mouse over my pacemaker, and started downloading data and running tests.  So I found out that I have a "smart pacemaker" that self-adjusts, that my battery life is 6-9 years, and that my pacemaker is firing almost exclusively.  My heart, overall, is 97% dependent on my pacemaker.  The bad news is that the pacemaker tattled that I was experiencing significant bouts of Atrial Fibrillation, so now we’re seeing what we need to do to treat that.

So after naming my pacemaker (I name all my gadgets) George, after my boss, I’ve decided it is time for George and I to come to terms.   I’ve spent the last 9 months wishing George wasn’t there, saying that I’m too young, and generally perturbed by this computer in my chest.  But I’ve since decided to give George a break.  He’s there for a reason, and like my real boss, I have the utmost of respect for him.  So George and I are learning to live together.

While all of the above has been going on, I have gotten back on the bike, and although I’m off to a very slow start – Leilani and I are having a blast riding on the weekends.  I have been trying to do a ride every weekend, and am working on getting a regular training schedule during the week.  But the big news is that last weekend, I set a goal for a bigger ride.  Last year I did the Pedaling the Prairie ride in Katy.  I finished 26 miles and it was one of the last rides I did last year where I felt pretty good at the end.  This weekend I did the Pedaling the Prairie ride again, and although it was a struggle – I finished ALL 26 miles.  My stats were worse than last year, but I finished.

So I keep pedaling.  Not as many miles as I would like at this point, and definitely not as fast, but I keep going.  I have learned to measure my progress by something other than a number.  It is part of the journey.  A few months ago I read the following quote by Mary Anne Radmacher. 

Courage does not always roar.  Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow"

So I keep going with the support of my family and friends and George.



  1. Hi Rhonda,
    I was so happy to get your email today – I needed a pick-me-up –or a pedal-me-up. I\’ve gotten off to a slow start myself this season and have been trying to find my inspiration. You always remind me of what\’s important, not my stats, but the courage to keep trying.

  2. Thanks Laura – You\’re an inspiration as well!

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